Deep Listening & Waiting

At the centre of every successful coaching relationship are three core skills that need to be mastered.

1. The skill of asking future and solutions-focussed questions.
2. The skill of WAITing.
3. The skill of deep listening.

In theory they each sound simple enough, but in real life conversations they can be challenging to remember.  When you ask future and solutions-focussed questions, you create a space for others to explore what they want and how they feel more deeply, and help them to uncover their own solutions to challenges.

For example:
“What would your ideal future / scenario look like in this situation?”
“What would that situation look like if it was solved?”
“What strengths do you have that can help you make that happen?”
“What small steps can you take today to move closer to your goal?”
“What else have you tried that worked before?

Asking thought provoking questions is a very powerful tool but their benefit can easily be lost if the coach doesn’t create a space for the answer. It is so easy to jump in quickly to fill a silence or to give our own advice or solutions. Have you heard of the W.A.I.T acronym? It stands for “Why Am I Talking? I have found it really helpful over the years, as it reminds me to keep my own impulses to over talk or give advice under check.

After you have a conversation with someone your supporting, ask yourself, Why was I talking?
Was it to be overly helpful or rescue them?
Was it to take charge or lead the conversation?
Was it to speed things along?
Was it because you find silences uncomfortable?

Resisting the temptation to fill silences can be challenging for any coach, but it is essential to foster an environment of self-discovery and growth. By asking open-ended questions and then waiting, you slow down the pace of the conversation, and avoid the trap of shutting down the others thought processes to early. By listening deeply, young people will feel heard, and are more likely to open-up, share their challenges, and explore solutions more freely, leading to breakthroughs that might not have otherwise occurred.

Coaching Tip: We have all heard to the common quote: “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”.  In your next coaching conversation be curious, ask more open-ended questions and actively practise W.A.I.Ting and listening.

Happy Coaching!
From Robyn Chellew